


206 Bones

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Age Difference, Also reader is a girl, F/F, F/M, M/M, PTA Sans, Prepare for lots and loTS AND LOTS OF SCIENCE PUNS, So yes, You are reader, and nothing is really themed around her gender, but it's never really mentioned much, reader is 17, reader is a senior in highscool, sans is your bonifide teacher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8551765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There are 206 bones in the body. You can name every bone, from the skull to the phalanges to the scapula- this is probably due to your love of science and the skeletal system.Which is just perfect, when your old science teacher is replaced by a lazy skeleton with a doctorates degree in quantum physics. What can you say...? You can't resist all those bones.Reader is 17, in their senior year of high school. Frisk is 14, in their freshman year. Sans is 23, the science teacher. Prepare for science puns and bone-themed shenanigans.





	1. Science is My Favorite Class

**Author's Note:**

> This came into my mindbrain when I was pacing in the kitchen, I wondered, "What if I showed up to class tomorrow, and instead of my usual teacher, it was Sans instead???" So have this.

September had always been one of your favorite months.

The dizziness of settling into a new school year has passed, replaced by simple routine. The searing heat of summer cools down, replaced by the beginnings of crisp fall breezes. The walk to school is relaxing and nice under the bright blue sky, the edges of the trees splashed with red and orange.

This year, things are gonna be different, though, you can tell already. Almost a year ago, near the beginning of your junior year at Alexander Hamilton High School (Many of the students just called it 'Alex'), monsters emerged from the Underground. Honestly, you weren't particularly bothered with the new change- as long as they didn't hurt anyone, who cares? Your mother disagreed, like many other humans, and wished they would 'go back to where they came from'. It took a strong will not to point out, before they were sealed Underground, that they had been here, too. So, haven't they already come back to where they came from...?

Rumors had begun to spread over the summer, that a monster was going to replace the retiring principal at Alex, and several monster teachers would be moving in, to test the compatibility of the two species. You were really excited- especially about the science teacher, although that wasn't because they would be a monster. Rather, you were glad the old science teacher was being sacked. He was an old, nasty pedophile, and always put a damper on your favorite class.

True enough, the principal had been replaced with a kind goat monster- Ms. Hoepfull. So far, she had been doing an excellent job running Alex, and the two new teachers were being integrated sometime in the fall. A science teacher, and a gym teacher. Needless to say, you couldn't wait.

The only reason you knew more about the new teachers, was one of your few friends- a cute little Freshman named Frisk. Frisk was Ms. Hopefull's adopted kid, and they were a sweet little sinnamon roll. For the first time, you were happy your dad had been deaf, and taught you ASL, as Frisk was mute.

The day of the new teachers started as normally as ever- you rolled blearily out of bed, threw on a t-shirt and jeans, and shoved everything into your backpack, beginning the ten minute walk to school, while stressing over all the homework you didn't do.

First period was math, which totally sucked. Math was your worst subject, and it was first thing in the morning- who's bright idea was that?! Second period was a study hall, wherein you spent most of the time napping. Third and fourth were language arts, compressed into a 2 hour block. After that was lunch- the only period in which you could talk to Frisk- and then 5th period: science.

Even with the creepy old teacher, science had always been your favorite subject. Somehow, everything there just clicked- the Periodic Table was a beautiful work of art, with every element listed according to their properties in perfect order, from atomic numbers, to melting and freezing points, everything was wonderfully slotted. Cells were like a well oiled machine, everything working together to make a tiny part of every living being. The solar system's gravity made perfect sense, the gravity and spacial reasoning of it all aligning. Every new thing you learned was satisfying, and you left with a pleased, content feeling.

You walked into class, and slid into your seat, dumping your backpack on the floor next to you. Huh, that's weird- the teacher wasn't there yet. You shrugged to yourself, and began doodling on a price of scrap paper.

The bell rang, signaling the start of class. You looked up, expecting the teacher to have arrived, but nobody came. A few minutes passed with no results, and your classmates began muting among themselves in confusion.

Despite your nonchalant attitude, you were still getting pretty curious about the lack of teacher in the room. You glanced around the room, eyes catching on the anatomical model of a skeleton. Oddly enough, the model was wearing a blue hoodie and a turtleneck, with basketball shorts and pink slippers. The boy who sat next to you- Derrick, he was a nice kid- saw where you were looking, and his brow knit in confusion. 

"Huh... That's new." He murmured.

"It's cool, though." You commented. "I bet I can name all the bones."

Derrick snorted. "Dude, you get f's in every class. I've heard your teachers yelling at you. I bet you 20 bucks you can't."

You grinned wickedly at him. "F's in every class but science. I'll take that bet." You got up before he could reply, and strolled over to the skeleton, who was still frozen with the ever present smile, and tapped it's bones as you listed them off.

"Skull (frontal, zygomatic, sphenoid, temporal, occipital, perietal), mandible, atlas, axis, clavicle, scapula, sternum, 12 thoracic vertebrae-"

"i feel like now would be a good time to stop this." The skeleton suddenly said, twisting it's head to look at you. You jolted back in surprise, eyes wide. The rest of the class shrieked in shock, and the skeleton chuckled, small white lights blooming in its eyes.

"heya. the name's mr. sans." He pulled a lanyard out of his shirt, with an ID dangling from the end. "i'm your new science teacher. gotta say, kid, you sure know your bones."

You somehow regained the power to speak, and croaked a weak, "Yep. Uh, sorry for groping you up there...?"

He laughed again, his voice a lazy and rumbling baritone. "foggetaboutit." His gaze flicked to the rest of the class. "now, who's ready to science?"

The period passed in a blur, and you wished it had been longer.

Sans was an awesome teacher- he gave lectures with a slow, lazy drawl, but managed to cram lots of information in a rather funny lecture. You were sure you weren't the only one who enjoyed the class, from the laughs and piqued interest of your classmates.

The bell rang, cutting off Sans midsentence as he explained how Einstein came up with his famous equation while watching trains. He shrugged with a simple, "and that'll be all, folks." and opened the door, letting your class flow into the torrent of students rushing to their classes.

Right before you reached the door, you turned around and grinned at him. "Thanks for the humerus lecture. It was really interested, and that's no fibula."

He chuckled. "imma bonifide science teacher, that's for sure. i know some good skelepuns, too, and they're real rib ticklers."

"Ha, atlas-t, a good opponent for skeleton jokes. You're gonna give me a skelerun for my money, but I'm not skeledone yet."

"you may have some good jokes, but you aren't a natural skeleton. ill skelewin, no bones about it- heh, i wouldn't want tibia right now. i've gotta skeleton of these- ill wear you down to the bone, so you better put some more backbone into it."

"I may be made of more cells, from my hair down to mytosis, but I have a femur skelepuns tucked up my sleeves."

"do you do just skelepuns, though? because i do chemistry puns periodically, too, so you can take all of your awful puns and barium."

"It'll be a while before my puns argon. I have sodium more, this compuntition is bromine for the winning, K?"

"mercy's off the table, now- you're making a noble attempt, but i have a proton more to neutralize you with. the odds of my victory are P positive, i can calcium."

"Well-" You were cut off mid-pun by the shrill ringing of the bell.

"Damn." You cursed, forgetting there was a teacher tight in front of you. "I'm gonna be late."

"language, pal. and, don't worry 'bout it. i'll write ya a pass." Sans crossed over to his desk, and scrawled a couple words words across a pass, handing it to you with a grin. Well, he was always grinning.

"Thanks, Mr Sans." You say gratefully, and scoop up you back, clutching the pass in your other hand. "Calci-ya tomorrow."

"Calci-ya later, kid."

\---

6th and 7th period- history and art, respectively- paled in comparison to the glorious puns of science class, but 8th period, gym, held yet another surprise.

You strode into class, humming lightly, and looked up to see a new teacher.

The new gym teacher was a mighty fish, to put it simply. She was tall and a vivid shade of blue, with rippling muscles and an eyepatch. She had a shock of red hair held back in a ponytail, with a black tank top, jeans, boots, and a lanyard proclaiming her "Miss Peixes-Serket".

The bell rang for class to begin, and she smiled widely at the class with a mouth full of wickedly gleaming yellow fangs.

"Who's ready to get buff, punks!?" She bellowed, and hoisted the bench press over her shoulders sith a triumphant grin. The class scattered back in fear, and you nearly fell, eyes wide and trained on the fish warrior.

This was going to be an interesting year.


	2. School Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think anyone would read this. And I have 9 bookmarks already. O-O I'm actually kind of proud. Thank you, all you lovely skeleton lovers. Oh, but warning, about halfway through, there was a glitch, and all the paragraphs blended together into a mega paragraph. >.

You werent a super pessimistic person- actually, you figured you were pretty relaxed, for a stressed out high schooler- but, as everyone knows, school sucks.

As you half-napped on your desk in math- not even 5 minutes into the school day, and you were already asleep- you pondered why school was so terrible, and your mind wandered to the new teachers.

It had been a few days since the new teachers had come in. Miss Peixes-Serket was... Interesting, in her way of teaching. You came home exhausted, but exhilarated. Mr. Sans was still as humerus- ha- as ever, but there was already a trash tornado in the corner of the room. Seriously, how did that work...? You kept finding your thoughts straying to him, and waiting in patient excitement for science to begin.

The next periods passed in a blur of secret video games and yawning, until lunch.

You slid into your usual seat, at the edge of the table next to Caleb and Isaiah, a few of your friends from middle school. You didn't hang out much anymore, but it was nice to have someone to sit with at lunch, and be lost together.

Recently, a new addition had been made to your table. This was evident when a sleepy eyed freshman sat in front of Caleb, smiling kindly.

'Hey, guys.' Frisk signed. Caleb looked at you expectantly. "Hey, guys." You translated easily. Caleb nodded, and turned back towards Frisk. "Hey, Frisk."

Caleb was rather short for a senior, barely reaching your shoulder, but damn, that kid had attitude. Isaiah was a bit more chill, and much taller, with curly black hair and a lazy grin. Speaking of lazy grins... How can a skeleton convey emotion, when by all means, their skulls shouldn't be able to shift...?

"Yo, (y/n)!" Isaiah interrupted your thoughts, waving his hand in front of your face. "Uh, yeah?" You looked back at him in confusion.

"I was asking you what you thought of the new teachers." Caleb said impatiently.

"Oh. I think they're pretty cool." You shrugged. "The science teacher is pretty awesome."

Frisk giggled quietly, signing quickly. 'And you call me a flirt? What about when-'

You covered Frisk's hands, and flushed a deep red. "Okay, enough of that! So! Other topics! Video games! I caught an Absol in Pokemon, today! You guys?" You rambled.

Caleb looked at you suspiciously. "What happened?"

Isaiah chuckled. "Whaddya do, this time?"

You sighed, and covered your face, desperately attempting to cover your blush. "Nothing!"

Turns out, it was NOT a good idea to let Frisk have their hands free. The little traitor immediately pulled out their phone, and typed an explanation of the accidental-groping incident.

Isaiah howled with laughter, and Caleb cackled. "And I thought Frisk was a flirt! Feeling up a teacher on the first day-" Caleb teased. "I guess you really wanted to jump his bones!" 

The table froze in silent realization. You grinned viciously at Caleb. "Was that a pun, 'Mr. Puns-are-the-lowest-form-of-comedy'?"

Caleb sighed. "Kill me." He muttered.

Isaiah slapped you on the back, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "His pun still doesn't outshine you sexually harassing the science teacher."

"It was an accident! I thought he was one of those anatomy models!"

"Isn't that a bit specist?"

"Agh!"

\---

Despite the embarrassment earlier that day, you were still excited for science. You eagerly watched Mr. Sans as he lazily twirled in his chair, deep baritone voice lecturing them on the periodic table. Most of your classmates weren't as interested- the novelty experience of having a monster for a teacher had worn off, and they talked amongst themselves freely, disregarding him completely.

"but, y'know, this is just review. ya learned this in middle school. therefore, nicole, can you tell me what sets the noble gasses apart?"

Nicole froze, looking at him with wide eyes. You snorted in amusement- this was an easy one.

"no? hmm. janet? jose? becky? derrick? huh- can no one tell me?"

You raised your hand, while the class remained silent. Even Derrick- the poor kid had anxiety problems, and could barely talk to teachers. "m'alright. y/n, got somethin for us?" "Yeah! Noble Gasses don't bond with other elements, because they already have a full electron shield." "and that would be the correct answer, folks." Something small flew towards your face, and you just barely managed to catch it before it hit you in the eye. You studied it in disbelief. "It's-" "the prize for getting the right answer. a mini 'dog in a-" "Mini skelebun." You finished automatically, then look back at him with wide eyes. You hadn't meant to say the pun- what if he was angry at you for interrupting, what if- Mr. Sans chuckled lowly. "yup. i mustard try harder to ketchup to you with the puns, heh. you stole my pun, like how in an ionic bond..." He looked at you expectantly. You smiled, and obliged, saying, "One of the atoms steals electrons from the other, to complete it's electron shield." "perfect." The bell rang, punctuating the end of his sentence. You gathered your stuff as your classmates flooded from the room, mildly surprised. You hadn't realized class had passed that fast. Sans stopped you as you were about to leave again, with yet another one of his lazy grins. You looked at his mouth intently, trying to figure it out. How could he move...? How could he eat, actually? Did he have a tongue? Why did his grin seem so fake, most times? "like my skull?" He clacked his teeth together with a wink. You huffed out a short laugh, as your face turned red. "Uh, I... How do you move your face?" You blurted out. "I mean, bone shouldn't work like that. Is it-" "magic." He waved his fingers, imitating jazz hands, then sighed sleepily, and closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair again. "That's the best explanation I'm gonna get, isn't it?" "yup." You laughed. "Okie dokie, artichokie." "lettuce not call each other vegetables, okay?" "But I'm a real couch potato, from my head, tomatoes!" "oh, is it lime for another compuntition already? let's squash these terrible jokes at the root, before they leaf our mouths." "Your bad puns carrot in hell! Okay, that was a bit of a stretch, I'll admit." You shrugged. Mr. Sans chuckled. "eh, i've seen better, yeah." The bell rang once more, and you slumped your shoulders, sighing. "And I'm late." "nah, don't worry 'bout it, kid. i'll write ya a pass." "Thanks, Mr. Sans." You accepted the pass from him gratefully. "Calcium later?" "calcium later, kiddo."


End file.
